Let us create a 3D eBook for you!
Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com

Dying On the Inside: A Childs Grief


The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into awareness. No one had thought beyond making it through the grievous night. Now the sun was up, and it took a moment to realize that this was just like any other school day - for everyone else. Distasteful tasks always fall to the youngest child, so I was pushed, unceremoniously, out the door.

Hurrying down the driveway, my childish mind searched frantically for the proper words to say. Taking a deep breath, I stuck my head in the car window. "Mother won't be needing a ride to work today. She's dead."

I vaguely recall the look of shock on the neighbor's face as I turned and walked slowly back to the house.

A gaping hole separated yesterday from today, and I was left clinging to the edge in bewilderment. At eleven years of age, I was extremely shy . . . and mortified by the sudden, overwhelming attention of morbid spectators who drove slowly past the house to glimpse the face of grief. I didn't know how to deal with this traumatic event.

For me, time had stopped; but life doesn't cease simply because a dear one has been taken away. I only knew I was lost without Mother, while everyone else appeared to be coping just fine. I tucked my feelings behind a facade, and did not emerge from my grief for more than a decade.

Today, I realize these circumstances are not unusual. Nearly one-third of my young students have already experienced the death of a parent or sibling! School counselors and mental health professionals stand ready to assist in times of crisis. Yet, the people most qualified to help us through the grieving process are those who love us most -- our closest relatives, friends and church family.

Most of us feel too awkward to spend much time with a child who is grieving. We visit the funeral home; if he doesn't appear too badly shaken, we convince ourselves that he would not appreciate our meddling. We give his hand a sympathetic squeeze, utter a sincere, "I'll be praying for you," breathe a quick prayer for his emotional healing, and get on with our own lives.

How very wrong is that reaction! Quite often, those closest to the youngster are too distracted by their own grief to notice him floundering. As Christians, we must administer healing, even at the risk of rejection.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. . . (James 1:27)

Therefore, I am afraid your obligation to a grieving child in your family or church goes way beyond a visit to the funeral home. It requires an investment of your life, over the next few months, or maybe years. Allow me to offer these suggestions:

1. Start with a hug. A handshake is strange to a child, and a pat on the head is degrading. However, a loving hug can break through the toughest armor, and often makes the tears of healing flow.

2. With the parent's permission, spend time with the child. Encourage him to talk about his loss, his loved one, and his feelings. If he refuses to talk, YOU talk. Share your own experiences. Leave yourself wide open for ANY questions or concerns.

3. Assure the child that it is normal to feel disoriented, overwhelmed, embarrassed, afraid,angry, depressed, abandoned, hurt and anxious.

4. Don't be afraid to laugh and share a sense of humor. Spending too much time in a sad, morbid atmosphere can lead a child into deep depression,triggering a multitude of new problems.

5. Help the child to envision a worthwhile future. Help him or her find a reason to be enthusiastic about tomorrow, about next week, and about next year.

Finally, use this opportunity to share the hope thatis within you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

Why else does God allow suffering, if not to draw us closer to Himself? Your loving touch and your testimony can mean the difference between a child coming to Christ, or facing a decade of unresolved grief.

_________________________________________________________

An extended illness, such as cancer, often triggers a certain amount of grieving, depending upon the prognosis of the disease. It is very natural to want to protect a child from the fears and uncertainties involved. But is it wise to hide the fact that one's mother, father or sibling has a life-threatening illness? Probably not. Even when the prognosis looks very bleak, both the American Cancer Society and the National Cancer Institute agree that honesty and openness are important. By sharing openly with others in the family, a child is better able to deal with the stress and anxiety felt within the home.

Here are some excellent web-sites that offer encouragement in dealing with kids and the emotional side of cancer:

http://www.kidskonnected.org

http://cancernet.nci.nih.gov/coping.html

http://kidscope.org/kids.htm

http://www.cancercare.org

S. M. Calhoun is a teacher and freelance writer. For more helpful articles on improving your home and family life, visit the newsletter page of our web site: http://www.poshbungalow.com


MORE RESOURCES:

Grief - Google News

This RSS feed URL is deprecated

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Grief supports groups to meet - Fremont Tribune


Fremont Tribune

Grief supports groups to meet
Fremont Tribune
Fremont Health has scheduled grief support groups for youth and adults for Thursdays, Feb. 1, 8, and 15, from 6:30-8:30 p.m., on the third floor of Fremont Health's Health Park Plaza. These groups are open to anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one ...

Three years without my dad and the grief has changed - 9Honey


9Honey

Three years without my dad and the grief has changed
9Honey
The grief I feel now is also this - that his little ways, his fun jokes, his weird facial expressions are all gone with him and Maddy my niece will never get to enjoy them. Christmas isn't the same without him, the family traditions and jokes all ...

Suggestions offered for coping with community's grief after a child dies of the flu - WTRF


Suggestions offered for coping with community's grief after a child dies of the flu
WTRF
Wheeling - Dr. John McFadden, clinical psychologist, says it's not typical for a child to die from the flu. So that's part of what's driving our shock and sadness in Wheeling. Not just the little girl's family and friends but the whole community is ...

Angels Across the USA to offer grief support - The News Herald


The News Herald

Angels Across the USA to offer grief support
The News Herald
PANAMA CITY — Angels Across the USA, a musical and inspirational evening for bereaved families, will be next month in Panama City. Alan Pedersen and Mitch Carmody, both fathers who have been through painful losses, are visiting more than 100 cities ...

Why are we so bad at talking about grief? - Minnesota Public Radio News


Minnesota Public Radio News

Why are we so bad at talking about grief?
Minnesota Public Radio News
It's hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, but Gabrielle Birkner and Rebecca Soffer are trying to make those tough conversations a little easier. Their new book "Modern Loss: Candid Conversations about Grief. Beginners Welcome" is unlike ...

Hospice opens place for grieving children - The San Diego Union-Tribune


The San Diego Union-Tribune

Hospice opens place for grieving children
The San Diego Union-Tribune
The hospice's expanded children's bereavement program, led by Melissa Lunardini, includes school-based support groups in 15 school districts, peer grief support groups in Mission Valley and Escondido, Camp Erin San Diego, crisis intervention and one-on ...

Tributes pour in for Bra Hugh Masekela - SowetanLIVE Sunday Wolrd


SowetanLIVE Sunday Wolrd

Tributes pour in for Bra Hugh Masekela
SowetanLIVE Sunday Wolrd
News of veteran musician Hugh Masekela's death has sent shockwaves through the nation on Tuesday morning. Masekela who was fondly referred to as Bra Hugh died after a nine-year battle with prostate cancer. Bra Hugh‚ who was 75-years-old was surrounded ...
Jazz musician Hugh Masekela dies at 78 the Irish News

all 269 news articles »

Grief-stricken daughter releases graphic images of her dad's fatal ... - Mirror.co.uk


Mirror.co.uk

Grief-stricken daughter releases graphic images of her dad's fatal ...
Mirror.co.uk
WARNING DISTRESSING CONTENT: Kirsty Taylor, 23, was dealt a second blow when her dad's attacker, Neil Hotchkiss, was jailed for just two years over the death.

and more »

ThunderNotes: Carmelo Anthony not giving LeBron James grief for win - Norman Transcript


Norman Transcript

ThunderNotes: Carmelo Anthony not giving LeBron James grief for win
Norman Transcript
OKLAHOMA CITY — Carmelo Anthony has been friends with Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James since the two were teenagers. It's exactly why Anthony is over the postgame jeering, even after.

and more »

LargeFriends.com - the best dating site for plus-sized singles!
SuccessfulMatchCentral.com - the best dating site for plus-sized singles!

PreLaunchX

DietRight.biz Domain Is For Sale - $8,500 For Enquiries eMail Us

© www.DietRight.biz 2012

home | site map | links