Let us create a 3D eBook for you!
Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com

The Walking Wounded


When my phone rang the other day, it was a call from one of the "walking wounded," not unlike many that I have received during the years I have been interacting with the bereaved. I have often spoken with people who are feeling much like this caller was.

The gentleman's adult son had died in an accident, and when I innocently asked how old his son was, he bristled and told me the question offended him. He said it didn't matter how old the person was who died; the question created barriers and suggested different degrees of grieving. (I know that can be true, especially when the very young or the very elderly die.)

I apologized and explained that I hadn't meant it that way. My intention had been to open the door to conversation, to invite him to speak freely about his son if he wanted to, without any pressure to do so if he were uncomfortable.

When we are newly bereaved, and sometimes even a long time into our grief, we often find ourselves thrashing about emotionally. In frenetic efforts to escape some of our pain, we may react blindly, wildly, irrationally. We sometimes say and do things that may be embarrassing to us later. But we need make no apologies, ever, for our emotional reactions to suffering that is so unimaginable.

We, the bereaved, are desperately trying to tell those who would comfort us what we need and how to help us. The trouble is that often we haven't figured out what we need, and we don't know what will help us. Therefore, we may be giving them one message on Monday and a different message on Thursday.

We need to be careful to soften our responses to our potential caregivers. We need to realize that compassion is a two-way street. If we ever expect to educate the non-bereaved population, we need to do it gently and tactfully, always remembering our own ineptness before we became bereaved!

Perhaps the gentleman's response could have been along these lines: "Thank you for asking about my son, I love to talk about him. Of course age is really irrelevant because death at any age is devastating..." Then he could have gone on to tell me about his son in any detail he wanted. We both would have felt good about the conversation, and I would have been smarter the next time.

We say, "Be there with us; let us talk; don't avoid us. We want to talk about our loved ones. We want you to mention their names." Then we say, "You always say the wrong thing."

Well, often our comforters and caregivers do say the wrong things. But, bless their hearts; at least they're trying to say something. At least the ones who are talking with us aren't ignoring us or avoiding us. Until enlightenment about grief and mourning becomes more widespread, they will continue to need our help in education, understanding and compassion. It seems to me that what we need is a lot more non-threatening, non-judgmental dialogue and communication. Perhaps attempts from both sides toward more understanding and tolerance of the other side would go a long way toward breaking some barriers.

All of us are here on the planet for such a relatively short time, and we're all struggling with the same basics: a need to be loved, a need for approval, a need to not be lonely. I've been around for a good while now, and it seems to me that the best way to get what we need is to give it away first. It doesn't always work, of course, but it works often enough to make trying it a good idea.

Good Grief Resources (http://www.goodgriefresources.com) was conceived and founded by Andrea Gambill whose 17-year-old daughter died in 1976. Almost thirty years of experience in leading grief support gropus, writing, editing, and founding a national grief-support magazine has provided valuable insights into the unique needs of the bereaved and their caregivers and wide access to many excellent resources. The primary goal of Good Grief Resources is to connect the bereaved and their caregivers with as many bereavement support resources as possible in one, efficient and easy-to-use website directory.


MORE RESOURCES:

Grief - Google News

This RSS feed URL is deprecated

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

After school shooting, anger and grief dominate anti-gun rally - Miami Herald


Miami Herald

After school shooting, anger and grief dominate anti-gun rally
Miami Herald
They showed up bearing homemade signs and placards that honored the victims of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting. They chanted and cheered and spoke of surviving a massacre that claimed 17 of their friends, teachers and loved ones ...
'President Trump, do something!' Grief turns to anger as Florida victims' relatives plead for gun control measures Telegraph.co.uk
How Trump has responded to moments of national grief ABC News
Addressing 'a nation in grief,' Trump says he will visit Parkland Tampabay.com
CNN  - NBCNews.com
all 3,294 news articles »

Picture one LI grandfather's grief - Newsday


Newsday

Picture one LI grandfather's grief
Newsday
... Suffolk said it would follow Nassau's lead in adding opioids and other controlled substances to the county's social host law, which makes homeowners responsible for alcohol use by minors. And earlier this month, Long Island authorities were ...

Grief camp provides children with emotional outlets through arts and activities - Baltimore Sun


Baltimore Sun

Grief camp provides children with emotional outlets through arts and activities
Baltimore Sun
“It loosely follows [William] Worden's tasks of grieving, which are to accept the finality of the loss and incorporate it into your life and move forward and honor the emotions that you have,” said Anne Hansen, senior director of patient experience and ...

Grief as Filipina maid's body found in Kuwait freezer returns home - Khaleej Times


Khaleej Times

Grief as Filipina maid's body found in Kuwait freezer returns home
Khaleej Times
Grief as Filipina maid's body found in Kuwait freezer returns home. AFP/Iloilo (Philippines). Filed on February 17, 2018 | Last updated on February 17, 2018 at 10.37 pm. Share; More >. Vote. 0. Eva, mother of Joanna Demafelis (left), cries on receiving ...

and more »

Nigel Havers credits wife for saving him from grief - RTE - RTE.ie


RTE.ie

Nigel Havers credits wife for saving him from grief - RTE
RTE.ie
Veteran actor Nigel Havers - who will shortly star at the Gaiety Theatre - credits his wife Georgiana Bronfman for saving him from grief following the death of his second wife, Polly Williams.

and more »

There is no guidebook for grief, say editors of new compilation, 'Modern Loss' - The Times of Israel


The Times of Israel

There is no guidebook for grief, say editors of new compilation, 'Modern Loss'
The Times of Israel
More than a decade ago, Gabrielle Birkner and Rebecca Soffer became members of the same club — one neither of them ever wanted to be part of. As young women, they both suffered the sudden loss of both of their parents. Birkner's father and stepmother ...

The Starbucks in Parkland, Florida Has Become a Grief Center - Daily Beast


Daily Beast

The Starbucks in Parkland, Florida Has Become a Grief Center
Daily Beast
I know you're in a better place. Duques forever. Man I love you junior!!!! R.I.P Martin Duque!” https://www.instagram.com/p/BfNbqvJlUBj/?hl=en&taken-by=miguelduq19. It was signed with a black heart emoji. A GoFundMe account started by Miguel has raised ...

Grief and anger as Florida prepares to bury victims of school massacre - CNBC


CNBC

Grief and anger as Florida prepares to bury victims of school massacre
CNBC
As families prepared to bury victims of another U.S. mass shooting, grief mixed with anger amid indications that law enforcement may have missed clues about the suspected gunman's plans. Nikolas Cruz, 19, who had been expelled for disciplinary problems ...
'How Did This Happen?': Grief and Fury After Florida Shooting New York Times
Grief and anger as Florida town mourns young victims of deadly school shooting The Straits Times
Grief counselors offer support in the wake of Florida school shooting ABC News
Reuters  - NPR
all 8,813 news articles »

Grief counselling by the frozen peas. A story about snowflakes - Irish Times


Irish Times

Grief counselling by the frozen peas. A story about snowflakes
Irish Times
I know a wise woman who usually charges by the hour, but when things get really bad, she'll will give me 10 emergency minutes for free. I stand in the Centra, beside the frozen goods, and take counsel on a mobile phone. My friend Aisling died and I ...

and more »

LargeFriends.com - the best dating site for plus-sized singles!
SuccessfulMatchCentral.com - the best dating site for plus-sized singles!

PreLaunchX

DietRight.biz Domain Is For Sale - $8,500 For Enquiries eMail Us

© www.DietRight.biz 2012

home | site map | links